Thursday, February 24, 2011

Self centred?

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I started my journey nearly 17 months ago.  I know everyone says you have to do this for yourself not for anyone else.  In the past I have let others de-rail me (not through any evil intentions on their part!) in some way or another.  This time I am totally focused on doing this for me.  Sometimes I think I am entirely too focused on me.  Never in my life have I given so much thought to myself - how do I look?  What will I eat?  What will I wear?  Where should I shop?  Are those store clerks looking at me wondering what I'm doing in a "regular" store?  What do people think?  Do people notice my weight loss?  Are people staring at my flabby arms?  Are my pants too big?  Are my pants too small?  Oh my nerves!  I'm driving even ME crazy.  I seriously revolve my life around this journey to lose weight.  I don't do much in the evenings during the week because I don't get home from work/the gym until 7pm - then I have to make and eat supper, do laundry or get ready for work the next day.  I find myself turning down invites to events because I have no control over what food will be there.  Am I going crazy?  Am I alone in this?  I feel like if I stop being so focused then I will fall off the wagon big time and I've come too far to do that now.  Maybe it really IS all about me! ha ha, just kidding :-)  I've never thought of myself as self-centred...until now.

OK, just had to get a little rant in before work. 


Shondi said...

Well, it's worked for you so far! And you're not letting others down who rely on you. I'm sure you'll eventually be able to come to a more happy medium. You'll want to enjoy your new body and new life after all! So proud of you!

Tanya said...

Thanks Shondi :-) Glad I haven't let anyone down!!

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