Monday, August 8, 2011

Sometimes I just don't wanna

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I know some people think I'm super disciplined and that this healthy eating and fitness stuff comes easy to me (yes, those of you close to me in "real" life know otherwise!), but in fact it doesn't.  At least not all the time.  Eating-wise I am a creature of habit, so I do find that somewhat easy., not so much.  If you saw my post from Saturday then you may recall that  I was having a bit of a struggle this weekend.  First of all, thank you so much to those of you who left comments, both here and on Facebook.  I'm sorry I did not reply individually - frankly I just didn't have it in me.  I do appreciate the advice and words of wisdom from those of you who have been there, those of you who know me well and those of you who just plain understand what I'm going through.

I have been on this journey for nearly two years (started Oct 3, 2009) and probably about 95% of the time my head is "in the game" and I'm keeping my eye on the prize.  Any time I think of giving up I just look at how far I've come.  As I've mentioned before, I am a repeat-offender when it comes to Weight Watchers, but I have never gotten to goal and reached lifetime status.  This is, by no means, the fault of the program or the people at WW - completely my own fault and I own that.  This past week has been the first time since I started that I really felt like I didn't want to continue this journey.  Now don't get all up in arms - the rational side of me knows that I MUST continue, but the little 2 year devil old on my other shoulder is stomping her feet saying "I just don't wanna!!!!"  Sometimes I just want to live like a normal person.  Again, the rational side of me knows that normal people don't eat anything they want anytime they want - I just think I might need a bit of a break.  That is why I am seriously considering taking the advice of WW leader Fiona and my trainer, Kellie and talking to my doctor about adjusting me goal weight.  I've gone so far as making the appointment for the 24th of this month (it's a miracle I got an appointment that soon - I figured this would have to wait for my return from vacation).  I am going to go in there prepared to lay it all out (with charts and graphs, of course) for Dr. Val and to really listen to what she has to say.  Fiona suggested that it could be that my body just won't lose enough to get me down to the WW goal weight.  If Dr. Val agrees, then I will concede and adjust my goal accordingly.  I agree with Fiona that taking this huge step (well, she didn't say huge, I did!) may alleviate some of the pressure I put on myself.  Believe me - I put a serious amount of pressure on myself to see results on the scale.  As I said on Saturday, I can always adjust my Dr Val-imposed goal weight if I find that I'm losing again.  I think I will take time away from losing to concentrate on maintaining and on improving my fitness (this will make Kellie happy!) and really focusing on strengthening and toning my body.  Weight-wise, things just don't seem to be moving - in the past 24 weeks I have lost 13.6 pounds; in the past 12 weeks I have lost 5.8 pounds and in the pas 4 weeks I have lost 1.4 pounds.  I know slow and steady wins the race, but I'm also wondering if my body is trying to tell me something.

So that's it folks - Aug 24 will determine how much further I go - whether that's all the way to the WW goal or somewhere between where I am now and Dr. Val's goal for me.  Either way, my plan is to continue blogging, attending WW meetings, tracking food/exercise, etc.  I am not giving up and throwing in the towel - as I've said, I've come too far for that.  I just need to do something to relieve some pressure from me.


Bella said...

I'm so glad I found your blog (through Kenlie's).
I think it makes so much sense for you to adjust your goal weight, with your doctor's guidance.

I have a feeling that if you stop concentrating on the scale and put that energy into your workouts, you'll end up seeing the results you want. Maybe not in pounds, but definitely in inches (and in the way you look).

You look amazing as you are, BTW. What an inspiration!

Tanya said...

Aww, thank you Bella! :) Welcome to my blog!!

Anonymous said...

95% of the time is a great amount of time to have your head in the game....