A Letter to My Skinny Self

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Before I started this journey (THIS time...remember, I'm a repeat offender...this is my last chance - after this they're locking me up and throwing away the WW keys) I would always look at the huge amount of weight that I had to lose and it seemed so insurmountable and overwhelming that I couldn't even begin to imagine getting even close to goal.  Now, here I am 20 months and 108 pounds later and I'm just over 27 pounds from my goal.  Wow.  I never thought I’d make it this far.  Part of me doesn’t even remember the “before” me.  This I find strange…especially since when I look in the mirror, I still don’t quite SEE what other people see (don’t worry, I’m working on this and it is getting better).

Do you ever wish you had written a letter to your "skinny" self or recorded a message to your "skinny" self before you began your journey like they do on Biggest Loser?  I sure wish I had.

 

If I can offer a piece of advice for those of you just starting out, please, please:

• Take your measurements (have someone help you), take photos before you begin (from all angles) - these don't have to be for public viewing, but you'll be surprised at how they will motivate you - I've seen some people do progression photos in the same outfit from start to finish, which is neat (so long as your pants don't fall off!).  I did not take measurements from the start, nor did I take a before shot.  I did find measurements from about 6 months before I began that I am using as my “starting point” and I’ve found photos from about 2 months before I began that I am using as my before shots.  Since beginning, I’ve been much better about letting people take my picture ;-)
• In addition to your food diary journal (yes, this is a must – otherwise it is TOO easy to lie to ourselves or forget something, no matter how good you think your memory is!), keep a diary (or blog) of your journey - you never know who YOU might inspire (even yourself); and
• Last, but not least, write a letter to the new you to come (or record a video...this might be more poignant) - in that letter/video tell your new self how you are feeling at your heaviest - the struggles you have, why you want to get healthy, what things you want to do then that you can't do now - remind yourself of where you've come from.  Seriously - if I had it to do over again (please, Lord, I don't REALLY want to go back!), that is one thing I would do. 

Again, these things never have to be for public viewing/reading, but do it for YOU.  YOU are worth it.  Do everything you can to encourage yourself through this journey.

Even though I’m almost “done” this journey, I am going to attempt to write a letter to my transitioning/future skinny self, thinking back to how I felt before I began (as best I can remember) and reminding myself of why I’m doing this, among other things.  You may think this letter is mean and ugly at times, but these are things I think I must remember to keep me from going back to this place again:

Dear Transitioning and Skinny Tanya,

Remember sitting on that plane in London headed to Dublin?  Remember how uncomfortable the seat was and how hard it was to buckle the seat belt?  It was hard.  You almost cried in front of a plane load of people in a strange country.  Don’t ever let yourself get to that point again.  Remember the fear you felt at going new places and trying new things?  What will people think of the fat girl walking into the room?  You want to try new things – hang-gliding maybe?  Zip lining?  But some of those things have weight restrictions (at the very LEAST you have to reveal your weight…up until this point, something between you and Dr. Val…)  Remember going shopping with your “skinny” friends and having to go to the fat girl store by yourself?  You are lucky that you have such great friends who are willing to shop with you in those stores, but still…remember how it feels to be the only one in a group who can’t fit into anything in a store.  Remember going for walks with your skinny friends and feeling like you were going to die from lack of oxygen?  Walking up that big hill from Kearney Lake Road to Dunbrack Street and your friend asking you if you were OK?  Remember sitting on that chair in Zellers and the legs buckling underneath you?  The chair was faulty, but still…remember that feeling – always.   Keep these feelings in mind when you want to reach for that chicken wing or extra piece of birthday cake (notice I said EXTRA – take the time to treat yourself, but just know your limits). 

 

Remember that this is a marathon – not a sprint.  You didn’t gain the weight overnight and you will not lose it overnight.  You’ve always figured you could lose this weight in about a year once you got started.  This will likely NOT be the case.  Aim for a healthy weight loss rate (1-2 pounds per week).  The slower you take it off, the longer it will stay off.  A longer weight loss journey will also give your body and mind more time to adjust.  Remember that this is a LIFESTYLE change, NOT a diet.  Remove the diet mentality from your mind.  You will be doing this forever.  This will not END when you reach your goal.  Find and develop a good support system.  Do not be afraid to ask for what you need – whether that’s from a waitress in a restaurant, your family or your friends and co-workers.  People DO want to see you succeed.  There may be naysayers out there, but in reality, remember this – they are just jealous or insecure themselves – YOU are not the problem, THEY are.  Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.  

You will have ups and downs along the way.  Don’t let weight gains derail you, but rather make them inspire you to do more or examine your week to see what you did differently or what you could change for the upcoming week.  Everyone has a different rhythm to weight loss, so make sure you look at the BIG picture.

I am so proud of what you have accomplished so far.  You are doing awesome.  Your friends and family are proud of you and you are an inspiration to others.  I hope by the time you get to your goal weight you have stopped worrying about what people think of you.  I hope that you really ARE happy in your new body.  Enjoy the new clothes and the new stores you can now shop in.  Enjoy the compliments you are getting right now, but don’t let them go to your head J  Pay it forward.  You didn’t get here alone – you had so many people help you along the way - so many encouragers and supporters.  Take this journey and make something of it.  I hope that you DO something productive with this journey – I know you’re not much for public speaking, but I think you might have something to say to people.  Perhaps writing might be a more comfortable avenue for you, but whatever you do, don’t let this fade into the background.  Make a difference in people’s lives.  Encourage others like you’ve been encouraged.  

Remember that the only person you can change is yourself…and baby, you’ve done that in spades!  Live life as an example and hope and pray that others will follow.  Never forget where you’ve come from.  Don’t ever, EVER judge others by their appearance.  Don’t ever judge someone else’s journey – until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, you have no idea what their circumstances are.  Be grateful every day for the opportunities you have had – a workplace that offers a wellness credit that has helped you pay for WW, gym members and personal training over this journey – not everyone has these opportunities and without them, this would have been a much more difficult journey.  Be grateful for the WW class you found on Saturday mornings with an awesome group of men and women who encourage you.  

Now get out there and set some NEW goals.  Run a race, climb a mountain.  The possibilities are endless.  As your Mom often reminds you, you can do anything you set your mind to. 

Your fat unhealthy self,

Tanya